Author - Alex Neary

Far away from any city in the Sahara desert a big plane was flying along.

“Hey! Is that jewel still secure?” shouted Pilot.

“Yeah yeah yeah.” replied some other dude. “Why are you so worried about that stupid thing?”

“Duh!” shouted Pilot. “That stupid thing is the rarest jewel in the world! It costs exactly $9000000000000000000000 and 99 cents! If we loose that thing we’ll go bankrupt!”

“Okay, but its not as if the cargo hold will suddenly open, the jewel will fall down and get eaten by an elephant.”

Suddenly the cargo hold opened, the jewel fell down and got eaten by an elephant. Pilot glared at some other dude. A while later at some village an announcement was broadcasted.

“ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS! AN EXTREMELY VALUABLE JEWEL HAS BEEN EATEN BY AN ELEPHANT! IF YOU FIND IT PLEASE RETURN IT TO PILOT OR SOME OTHER DUDE! DO NOT STEAL IT, SINCE IT COSTS EXACTLY $9000000000000000000000 AND 99 CENTS! THANK YOU!”

“Hmmm…..” muttered the leader of a hunting group. “If we find and kill that elephant we can get that jewel and be rich!”

“No way dude!” The leader of a hippy group shouted. “Were gonna find dat jewel in da elephant’s doo-doo! Then we can fund our tree huggin society!”

Nearby the leader of a group of dwarfs overheard the conversation. He ran back to his unit of dwarfs.

“Atten-hut! At ease. Were going to get that jewel at al costs! I have come up with an idea – we will disguise ourselves in banana leaf camouflage and get eaten!

We will then proceed to the stomach and grab the diamond!”

“Uh, sir?”

“What?!”

“It’s a jewel, not a diamond.”

“Whatever! Let’s go.”

So the three groups got their equipment (guns for the hunters, a sack and a pooper scooper for the hippies and some banana leaf costumes for the dwarfs) and set off. The first to reach the elephant were the dwarfs.

“Okay men, there’s the mission objective. Move out!

They ran in front of the elephant.

“We are delicious! Eat us!”

SQUISH!

“Ohhh, I feel down.”

“That’s because you’re flat! Stupid elephant stepped on us! Hmmm, maybe if we climb a tree and pretend to be growing on its branches…”

SQUISH!

“Whoa, sorry dude! Didn’t see ya on da ground there! Have you seen an elephant? When its poopin we’re scoopin but we can’t scoop da poop if we can’t find it.”

“It went that way” The dwarfs squeaked. BLAM BLAM!

“Oh no!” cried the hippies. “Da elephant! Stop, you dirty hunters!”

“You idiots! You made us miss it! Now it’s headed for the village. After it!”

Awhile later the hunters arrived in the village.

“Where’s the elephant? One asked.

“Hey, how did that hippy get here before us? Maybe he knows where it is. Hey you! Where’s the elephant?!

“Shh! Da elephant is in da dunny!”

“What do you mean the elephant is in da dunny?”

”I taught him to use da dunny cause he got constipated.”

“You idiot! That means the jewels in the sewer! Let me in that toilet before it flushes-“

Suddenly the door opened and the elephant stormed out, squishing the hunters.

Then the dwarfs swung in.

“All right, men! Go, go, go!”

One by one they jumped into the toilet and pulled the chain.

“Whoof! Its stinky down here!” echoed the voice from the toilet. Hey! There’s the jewel! Come to papa! Hehehehehehe!”

SLOP SQUELCH

“Hey! The jewels already been digested! NOO!”

“Cool!” shouted a hippy who had climbed down a manhole. “We can use dat elephant doo-doo for soil in our tree huggin society!

“Eww. I can see why they call you dirty hippies.”

The End